“Are you even smart enough to work there?”
This is a verbatim question I was asked the other night by a man at a bar who wanted to know where I worked. It was not a joke.
I accomplished every Westchester parent’s dream. I graduated a semester early from college and got a great job in finance. These were my dreams too. I was over school, and I love my new job. The moment I got my job offer was truly the only moment in my life where I ever felt like my hard work had paid off. You would think this would be something I should be proud of, but let me tell you, there are many people who do not agree.
I really don’t know what it is, but either way, I am constantly put in a position to defend myself when the subject of my work comes up. I never knew that being asked the simple question, “Where do you work?” could lead to so many controversial and uncomfortable conversations.
To be honest, at first I was extremely upset by this. I have always carried myself as if I don’t care about anyone’s opinions, but it hurts when people make nasty comments about something you are so proud of. It hurt me even more that these remarks often came from people I considered friends, people who I had known for years and whom I expected would share my happiness with me. It also just felt so wrong to constantly fear being asked anything about my job, knowing how uncomfortable I would feel having no choice but to respond. So I found myself really wondering why people just seem to be so unhappy with me, as if the mere fact that I have a good job is somehow offensive to the rest of the world.
There is the classic male-chauvinist perspective (of which my friend from above was clearly a part) – these men who, even in 2015, are jealous, intimidated, or insecure about the fact that a woman could ever have a better job than them. Because clearly I am a woman, so I could never be smart enough to get a job in finance. I must have done something shady to get it. Or because I am a woman, I must be a real big bitch to have a job like that. Either way, you trying to make me feel bad about where I work is only a reflection of how insecure you are in your manhood. Grow up and get a pair.
Then there are my peers who are still in college, many of whom still do not have jobs yet. I get it – you either don’t understand what I do or you project some sort of snobbishness on me because I have a job and you don’t. It’s not like I run around with a sign on my forehead advertising where I work and rubbing it in everyone’s face, but if you ask me, I am going to give you an answer. If you don’t like it, don’t ask.
The last group of haters is those who are just morally offended by anyone who could ever sell their soul to finance. I will give these people a little more credit because their meanness does not stem completely from personal insecurity, but I work hard just like anyone else. I am in the office by 6am, and I leave no earlier than 6pm. We all have to make a living somehow, so please excuse me for choosing a path where I excel. Maybe everyone is not motivated by money, but I have no shame in admitting that I am.
This may sound like a rant (and honestly part of it is), but what I really want to draw attention to is the fact that if you fall into category one, two, or three – your issues with where I work have nothing to do with me. As my friend would say, this is a “you” problem. I cannot make you feel insecure or unhappy, only you can.
I also realized that about myself. I could sit around and be upset and offended by the remarks I have received and by the judgment that is constantly passed on me, or I could choose to be proud of myself for accomplishing my goals. I am going to choose happiness, so I hope you do too.
And if you don’t, take my mother’s advice: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Girls, Who Run the World? 