Why do feminists hate feminism?

My father emailed me an article from a couple days ago that ran in The New York Times called “Who is a Feminist Now?” I had heard about the mini-controversy that sparked the article, an interview in which actress Shailene Woodley admitted that she does not identify as a feminist and was then met with serious backlash by women all over media.

Woodley is my age, and much like her, I have written about my reluctance to call myself a feminist as well. I understand exactly what she is talking about, and I felt just as attacked by these critics as I’m sure she did.

The truly meaningful part of Woodley’s interview, which has not received any attention, is what she says immediately after stating that she does not consider herself a feminist:

“My biggest thing is really sisterhood more than feminism. I don’t know how we as women expect men to respect us because we don’t even seem to respect each other. There’s so much jealousy, so much comparison and envy.”

The girl hits the nail on the head. How can we expect to raise ourselves up, when we are also the ones keeping each other down?

I mean how ironic is it that the people criticizing Woodley are not men, but other women. They are also nearly all women above the age of 30. True – women probably care more about such a prominent female actress disassociating from feminism, but does it not speak volumes that those quickest to judge are women themselves? What Woodley says is not wrong. It is accurate. It is not that she does not understand feminism; it is that feminism does not understand her.

These angry, female critics should realize that there is a serious issue with the fact that women of my generation have such a negative connotation associated with the term “feminist.” Whether they would like to admit it or not, it is their faults that we shy away from this term. They taught us the version of feminism that we fear – anger, ugliness, resentment – not the true definition of feminism.

When you look it up in a dictionary, the literal definition of feminism is “the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.” I do not believe there is a woman out there who would say she does not agree with that idea. What Woodley is pointing out is that we do not associate feminism with that definition. Our generation has been taught a kind of feminism that teaches us to hate men, and ourselves, rather than see them as allies. And like Woodley says, this ‘”raise women to power, take the men away from the power’” type of feminism is not going to work, for it goes exactly against the true definition of feminism, which calls for the equality of both sexes.

Maybe feminism needs a new name, but either way, it certainly needs to be rewritten. We need to be united as women before we can ever hope to become social, political, and economic equals with men. We also need the support of our men. The new feminism, the feminism of my generation, what I would call modern feminism, needs to be one of love, respect, and acceptance, not this antiquated version of “man-hating, bra-burning” feminism.

Stop telling us we did not live through enough oppression to understand the need for feminism. We understand. We are telling you that we do not want your feminism. Our society has progressed, and feminism needs to progress with it.

How to Win a Guy in 10 Ways

 

Hello friends and readers! Sorry for the month-long hiatus…but I’m back! In honor of the start of summer (mine at least), I thought I would write something more lighthearted than my usual posts.

As a girl who has had a series of serious relationships as well as many guy friends, I am often asked how I get guys to like me…and it is not because I am outlandishly beautiful. Living in LA, surrounded by troves of stunning women, you’ve gotta have a little more going on for you than just your looks if you want to get a guy in this town.

So here are my tips in no particular order. Take ‘em or leave ‘em.

1. Don’t take yourself too seriously. No one likes people who can’t laugh at themselves. Guys tease each other all the time, and whether you want to be friends or lovers, you need to be able to take their jokes and dish them right back.
2. Know your worth. My absolute biggest pet peeve is women who victimize themselves because this guy was rude to them or uninterested in them. I firmly believe that this is one of the main reasons men still dominate our society. First of all, if a man is ever rude to you, stand the fuck up for yourself and do not let him walk all over you. But most importantly, just forget him. If some asshole does not like you for whatever reason, you are only giving him more power by allowing his actions to upset you. Be a big girl, buck up, and move on. Jay-Z said it best…”on to the next one!” If you know what you’re worth, you will know that this guy does not deserve a second of your attention.
3. Accept that boys will be boys. Now, this whole concept may be socially constructed or what have you, but at the end of the day there is truth to the statement that boys will be boys. In other words, they may do things that you, as a woman, would never do, but if you like them enough that you would like to spend time with them, just accept that they are the way they are. And don’t try to change them…it’s a waste of time and won’t work.
4. Use your words. This one sounds easy, but it is the killer of many a relationship and friendship. If you did not say it, they do not know it. No one can read minds, so don’t expect guys to know exactly what you’re thinking all the time. If you want something, say something.
5. Be honest about who you are. This is a fancy way of saying, “just be yourself.” You don’t have to lie and pretend you know everything about the Giants or Assassin’s Creed. You also don’t need to pretend you’re dumb and ditzy (please don’t). I’m serious. Not only will they probably figure out you’re a fraud at some point, but if this dude is worth your time, he will also appreciate your honesty because he is interested in what you bring to the table.
6. Act friendly. Awkwardness is a psychological creation. If you don’t act awkward, it isn’t awkward. Smile, talk, laugh, make a weird noise – just don’t be silent and strange.
7. Assert yourself. Don’t be afraid to go for what you want. This is not the 18^th century. Don’t wait around for him to call you or text you or ask you out. Just be an independent woman and do it yourself. Show him you are equals and not just some wimpy girl.
8. Open up. This applies to any relationship, male or female. When you share a little something personal, it makes the other person feel like you trust them. And in turn, it makes them trust you.
9. Stay classy. People want to be in relationships with those who make them better. Trashy girls can be fun for a little while, but no one wants to hang around for too long with someone who’s a complete mess. I certainly do not want to be with a man who embarrasses me, so don’t be the kind of girl that this guy is embarrassed to be seen with.
10. Make your expectations clear – to him and to yourself. Expectations include what kind of relationship you want, what you want out of this relationship, what you need for this relationship to work, and what you can or cannot live without. There are always deal-breakers, and that is okay. Just make sure you know what these are for yourself, and communicate them to the men you surround yourself with.

 

(Disclaimer: I am a heterosexual woman, so these tips are aimed at other heterosexual people. I don’t mean to discriminate! I just write what I know!)